Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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