what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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