Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
