im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
