dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
