girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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