I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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