i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
