i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
