he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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