she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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