Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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