and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
