I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so let's talk penis.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
