She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
