What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
