booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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