win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
