I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
