on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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