my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
