arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
