The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
