All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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