omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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