He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
