we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
