Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
