I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
