Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
