All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
