Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
