I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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