ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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