I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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