I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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