We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
