Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
