I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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