I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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