porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
