Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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