I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
