$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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