Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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