yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
