How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
