I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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