So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
