I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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