Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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